What It's Like To Be... a Woman who's had an Abortion

Sometimes in life, there are situations where there seems to be no good answer, just options that are better than others. The problem with these options is that they are seldom obvious, and usually require a lot of thought and painstaking decision making, while being accompanied by doubt the whole time. This can definitely sum up the experience Georgia, a strong and talented Australian girl with an enviable position in the much coveted fashion industry. This vegetarian of twelve years, currently engaged to the man of her dreams, and a talented photographer (as displayed in this post!) seems like one of the coolest girls you could know, and would be an excellent best friend. And she would be, even if a year ago Georgia had an abortion.

The thing about Georgia's abortion is people sometimes forget that Georgia is not her abortion. She is still the warm, funny, friendly girl she always was who made a decision that will be with her the rest of her life, but she made a hard but appropriate choice to have to carry the decision with her instead of the fetus. Sometimes a woman can be careful and smart, but still feel she is not responsible enough yet to raise a child. Sometimes this is the most responsible decision.

Georgia was lovely enough to explain it for me:

Q: What was your opinion on abortion before your pregnancy? Has abortion changed it?
A: I went to an all girls school, where women were applauded, and a broad and unbiased education was paramount. I am also university educated, so I am fortunate enough to have been surrounded by strong and positive female role models.

Abortion is not something I thought I would personally have to deal with, and was definitely not a decision I took lightly. I am still, and always will be, pro-choice. I believe it is a woman’s right to choose her future, regardless of mistakes she may have made in her past.

Q: What was your first reaction when you found out you were pregnant? Did the idea of abortion come to you immediately or did you think of it later?
A: My first reaction to the news was devastation.
I had taken two at home tests. The first was negative and the 2nd positive. It was then I went to a doctor to find out for sure. As soon as she confirmed the news I broke down.

The doctor was very clinical, told me I had 3 options, (to keep the baby, adoption and abortion) and at this stage the best thing for me to do was start a pros and cons list regarding each one.

I did weigh up the pros and cons of every option though, and it definitely helped me to make my decision. Having a baby at that time was never part of my plan, and I knew that I was not ready to bring a child into the world.

Q: How did you pick which clinic to attend? Was the clinic positive and helpful or did you feel judged for what you did? Were there lots of options?
A: I did some online research and basically pulled a few numbers. I phoned around and went with my gut feeling based on conversations I had with receptionists. I cannot say enough about the clinic I attended! They were supportive and helpful from first contact.

I had made an initial appointment, and canceled it the day before because I just didn't feel ready. They were completely understanding, and beyond kind. When I attended a week later, I underwent a counseling session, completed psychology tests and was assigned a personal nurse to help me understand the process, answer any of my questions, and quite literally hold my hand from the start to the end.

I met with the both the doctor and the anesthesiologist before the procedure, and the whole environment was supportive and sensitive. They also ensured patients had a friend or partner to be there when the procedure was over; someone to take them home and support them when they left the clinic. I was completely informed about any risks involved, and supplied with contact numbers and references should I have any issues or concerns after leaving. I now have such a respect for those people who looked after me and all the women in the same situation. They were truly amazing.

justice seekers

indybay
Q: We frequently see people protesting outside the abortion clinics. Was this an issue with you at all?
A: On the morning I went to the clinic there were at least 15 people outside, holding placards, praying, chanting, and protesting. It was horrible to have to deal with that on top of everything else. I understand that this is a sensitive issue, and that people are passionate about it, but I do not believe harassing women in front of a clinic is the right or effective way to get a message across. This was a decision that I had thought long, hard, and agonized about. It was not something I was going to change my mind about upon being set upon by [others].

Q: How do you feel when other people say mean things about abortion? Has this situation ever arisen? Are you open with your experience or do you prefer to keep it to yourself?
A: I don’t advertise the fact that I had an abortion, but if the subject comes up, and I am with people I respect and trust, then I have no problem in talking about my experience.
When people are judgmental and ignorant though, it really just makes me sad. How can you judge not having been in that situation? But hey, all I can do is try to educate and empathize.

Q: Did you have a strong support group while going through this? Was this important?
A: I have amazing friends, and they were very important to me during both the decision making process and afterward. They were willing to stand by me whatever choice I made, and that was really touching. I would have been lost without them, and I think it would be very tough to go through this experience alone.

Q: Are there any days you regret your abortion?
A: The regret I have is getting pregnant in the first place. I am happy in my life, and I know in my heart, that if I hadn’t made that choice, I would have many regrets. There a so many things I want to achieve in my life, and having a child is one of them, but I want to be a responsible and amazing mother, able to provide the best for my child. Quite simply, I would never have been able to do that, if I'd had a child at that time.

I won’t say that it was easy. It took me a long time to deal with. I did go through some depression and a great sense of loss afterward. I cried a lot. I was upset at myself for not being ready to have the baby I had conceived. But 14 months later, I look forward to the day I am ready, and knowing that when it happens, I will be in the best position for parenthood that I can possibly be.

Q: Name some misconceptions about abortions and women who have them.
A: The thing I was most surprised about was that the waiting room was comprised mainly of couples. Ages ranged from 20s - 40s. It was my misconception that mainly young single girls have abortions, teenagers without decent support networks, or uneducated women living "hard" lives. This is most certainly not the case!

I have also heard ridiculous notions that women frequently use abortions as birth control measures, and I simply can't accept that anyone would put themselves through that instead of just taking a pill, or putting a condom on their partner.

Q: Were you religious? Are you religious? Did any of this have an impact on your decision?
A: I was baptized catholic, and spent 12 years in catholic schools, but I am not practicing. I am a spiritual person though, and I do believe in a higher power. There are many aspects from many religions that I take on board, I do believe in re-incarnation, I believe in life cycles, and I believe in karma. But I think, spirituality is a fluid thing that should grow and develop within us as we do. As cliché as it sounds, I do think everything happens for a reason, and I think every experience helps us to learn and eventualize our full selves.
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It is interesting to look far back into history and see what beliefs many of the early people had on abortion. In fact, almost every ancient religion, from Zoroastrianism to Hinduism, had a period between conception and the developement of the fetus into a true child. This has later been scientifically proven, but even in ancient times there was admittedly dangerous (mind you, so was child birth at the time) but will available options for women who were in danger from their husbands or if their health was in concern.

Yes I can use chopsticks
An interesting thing to look at is the practices of many Japanese Buddhists.
" I think abortion should be approved or disapproved according to each circumstance." -Dalai Lama, New York Times, 28/11/1993
Abortions there acknowledge both that the fetus is not yet a child but also deals with the spiritual side with an offering to the god Jizo of lost travellers and children. Small statues are placed and visited annually, with the understanding that Jizo will guide the soul of the child off to another reincarnation which is more appropriate for it. The respect involved in a culture that embraces such practices is admirable.

There are a lot of different choices for a lot of different people; I made the choice to write this, and you made the choice to read it. You may make the choice to always be against abortion, but others of you may make the choice to have an abortion some day, or to be there for someone who has made that choice. In the end, there are a million choices that we are all permitted to make, and I hope that Georgia's story has inspired you to realize that there are many different choices that are appropriate for different people, and to judge without compassion is inappropriate. In fact, to judge at all is inappropriate, and goes against majors tenets in most religions, especially Christianity. Because, in the end, this is not your choice to make.

You may not respect Georgia's choice, but as a person, she still deserves your respect in the same way that everyone deserves the best in life. If there is one thing I can hope for, it is that you all go out and make what you think are the right choices that will give you the best, most meaningful, richest, lives you possibly can live.
Because there is truly beauty in choice.

Always,
Mary

More?
Birth Rate Up, Abortions Down (because girls don't have access...)
Planned Parenthood (for beyond just abortion information and into STDs and general sexual health)
I really wanted to include a link here about pro life people who still managed to respect abortion even if they didn't agree with it. I could not find one. I really hope you understand that it can happen though, I have faith in you.